THE VINTAGE PRINT

   My name is Kaye Julianne S. Escasinas and I have two brothers and four sisters named Narz, Mark, Joy, Grace, Tyne, and Mae. I also have four nephews and one niece but mournfully, my second nephew died at the age of 1 when I was still in grade 1. I am the youngest in our family and I was born on March 12, 2001 at the city of Tagum. As the youngest member of our family, it is expected that my parents would give me everything that I want in just one snap and also it is expected that I will be my mother and father’s favorite daughter but in reality, I am not the favorite one, I am just like my other siblings with no special treatment of being the youngest one. My name “Kaye” may be a french origin which means “quay” in french and I honestly don’t have any idea why did my parents named me “Kaye Julianne” I really don’t know where did my parents got my name from. My self description is fun, shy, jolly, kind, generous, impatient, companionable/friendly and sometimes awkward. I can use these words as my self descriptions because me myself know that I am that person. I feel that I have these traits because that’s what my friends told me and they described me with those words. 

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   My family is very important to me because they are the one who helped me to become what I am or who I am right now, they are the big factor that shaped me into who I am today. Some people keeps on telling me that I look like my father because of my height, nose, and eyes. They really thought that I got every physical appearance that I have from my father and not from my mother because my mother has a small height unlike my father. I am the kind of person that would always put others first especially my friends and family before me. I love my family so much but I don’t always show it to them because I’m not that showy. My family is my provider of all that I need and I don’t know where would I be right now without them. 

  I am not really into pets ever since I was a kid but we have a lot of pets in our ancient house because of my father. I never wanted to have any pets like others at my age because I feel like it is just a hassle for me. I also don’t like the smell of vinegar, actually, all of us in our family except my mother doesn’t like the smell and the taste of it. My friends is always asking me why do I hate vinegar when it is really delish for them and it is also very uncommon for a person to hate the smell of the vinegar. I have a lot of dislikes in my life and I just don’t get it why I hate this and why I hate that it’s just I don’t like it. I don’t like it when someone will make fun of me and I easily get annoyed. If I have dislikes, I also have likes in life like I want to go out with my friends because when I am with them I can forget my problems and be happy temporarily. I also love to go shopping when I am with my family because I can get what I want without spending my own money. 

  My extended family lives in Monkayo Comval Province (which is our old home) and we barely visit them because it’s too far away from Davao. We are not the kind of family that are very close to each other like what other family is because my father and his family has a conflict. You cannot catch us being sweet to one another because being sweet is not our thing. When I was a kid my father always told me to love and respect my family because whatever happens, they will still be a family to me and I guess I didn’t follow my father’s order. I hated my father’s family so much way back 2008 because I don’t feel like I belong to our family. My cousins would always get a special treatment when it comes to my grandmother and auntie and as a kid, I always get jealous because I don’t belong in the list of my grandmother’s favorite grandchildren. 

 I only have one best friend since I was in grade six until my junior high school and others are just my close friends. I cannot remember how did we become best friends but all I know is that we met in the third grade of elementary when she transferred in our school. I considered her as my best friend because she accepted me completely for who I am. She accepted all my flaws without judging me, she was always there whenever I need someone to lean on and she never get tired of listening to my senseless dramas in life. Because of her grace, I’ve taken her for granted and sometimes I breed troubles when there’s no one and there’s no reason for us to fight and that causes us to have a quarrel and a barrier between us. We were both so close to each other before when I was in high school even if we don’t always see each other. Far away or near, if your friendship is real then distance will not be a reason for a complicated friendship because you can always find time to communicate with each other. Up until now we remained best friends but not as close as we were before.

 When I was still at the young age my papa was very tight to me, he didn’t allow me to go out and play with our neighbors but as I grew up,I learned how to get the trust of my parents to me and I become matured because of the responsibilities that are given to me. I know that my papa loves me so much that’s why he took care of me very strictly. My first day at school when I was in nursery was very memorable and fun because it’s my first time to go to the school where my mom teaches and I was with my papa during my first day of school because my mom was busy teaching other children in the school where she works and where I studied. My papa was the one who cooked breakfast for me during my elementary days instead of my mom and if there are times that my papa’s not around because he has something to do with his work, Our yaya would take care of me and my brother. When I was in grade seven, I was so shy and wasn’t social because I have no one during my first day of school in high school I know no one because I studied at the Comval during my elementary years and when I enter the city life it was really hard for me to adjust and to find a friend because everyone at our school already have friends because they studied at the same school during their elementary. When I was sent by my parents to study here in Davao and live with my older siblings, it was really hard for me because I used to live with my parents, they used to take care of me, when I was in elementary during our school days my uniform is already prepared by my mom but everything has changed when I live here because all of my siblings were busy and I have to take care of my own, I cooked dinner for myself, washed my own clothes, and prepared my things for my self because no one would take care of me here.

  The most memorable event for me was during Christmas and New Year because I get to spend time with my family and we are complete and whole as a one family. During Christmas, we spend our Christmas eve at marco and every year that’s what my family do, spending our Christmas eve there. We attended mass together with my whole family and for me that is already unforgettable and memorable because we barely go to Church completely. We have a lot of memorable things with my family such as going to the beach, eating lunch or dinner outside may not be unforgettable for some people but for me it is because I feel so happy whenever I am with my family.

  In my 17 years of existence in this world, I can say that I have live my life in a memorable way because I did what I want to without thinking twice, I have freedom to go out whenever I want to, and I get nearly everything that I want to. My life was a roller coaster ride and I’m glad that I have overcome all the challenges and trials that was thrown to me. 

In my senior high school life, I enrolled to a catholic school named University of the Immaculate Conception and it was really hard for me to adjust during our first day in school because I was a transferee with no friends at all. Hence, I have faith that it will be a great opportunity for me to have new ones. Everything was new to me; the people, the environment, and everything. It wasn’t really my choice to study at this university because when I was in grade ten I never really imagined to study at UIC because me and my friends wanted to study at Ateneo de Davao but sadly we run out of slot so we have to choose another school and SPC was our second choice but my siblings didn’t allow me to study there because they wanted me to study at the school that they’ve graduated and as a youngest I have to follow and obey them that’s why I am now studying here at UIC. Adjusting in a completely new environment took every ounce of confidence in order to start a conversation with one of my classmates. The school is very committed to create and formulate programs that would help us to be acquainted with the school culture. All teachers put so much effort in making group activities to help us mingle with our classmates. Indeed, some of my classmates are also shy which makes me hard to know who are interested to converse with me. I realize, there should be someone who should start and its not bad to give a try. There’s more chance of getting to know others when you are also a good listener. There was once a situation where I talk so much and forgot to listen. I focused on expressing myself rather than listening to other life’s story. I started to have the interest of to join small groups to be able to reach more people. They are fond of sharing other life stories but there’s someone who prefers to share her secretes to few people. I never mind about her feelings to the extent I become insensitive. I badly wanted to talk to her so that I can understand her. Maybe I become insensitive or anything. I can’t help with having many assumptions. This is me, I wanted to connect to people that’s why, when someone tries to avoid me, I am so concerned about him/her. To the point that I doubted myself. Maybe, she/he has a reason for avoiding me. Despite of this, it doesn’t make me choose to hate this person. I respected her decision whatever it is. This experience taught me to be sensitive and to be understanding to the feelings of other. I am being careful to my actions and my thoughts. True, it is painful when you have many question to someone and left you without any clue. I might not understand the reason but I choose to believe it happens for a reason.

There was a time in senior high school, you thought having a friend is enough to survive. But people come and go, and you have to consider other people still cares for you, my family. You should not be selfish. It is not always that you will demand or expect someone you trust the most will also consider you to be trustworthy. You cannot expect someone to cross oceans for you just because you crosssed oceans for them. Senior high school has taught me to become more responsible than I am before. Also, in shs you can encounter different people, different attitudes, and etc. and yes I have encountered those but I always chose to understand others even if they are not understandable. One of the most memorable moment in my senior high school life was the time that me and my friends got suspended because of breaking the rules of the school and it really marked in my mind that I got suspended because that was my first time being suspended and I got really scared thinking that the university would kick me out of the school because of what we did. I was so down that time but as time goes by I realized that life must go on and I have to move forward. The first circle of friends that I have during grade eleven is now gone. They’re all gone and I have to accept the fact that no matter how good you treat people, you cannot assure that they will stay right by your side and be a friend to to you because we cannot force friendship.

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During my grade twelve everything got better even when I’m not with the people that I used to be with because I have met another friends and I guess these friends are the best because they are really appreciative and fun to be with. I don’t know how I ended up being close with them but one day we became really comfortable to one another. I cannot say that I have regretted meeting those friends that I have during my grade eleven because I was once happy with them, I also found comfort zone to them but for now, I can say that I am happy even without them. I will always be thankful for the people who become part of my senior high school life because shs wouldn’t be memorable for me without them.

As you are about to read this, my only hope is for you to be inspired of the implicit writings of my life. My name is Christabel Erica Lebrillo Nicolas.  I prefer people to call me “Chris” since it’s shorter and easier to remember. I am the daughter of Ana Carlota Lebrillo—Nicolas and Eric Dave Tagaro Nicolas. My parents took care of me ever since and with the help of my godparents and grandparents, they’ve raised me well. I live at Mindanao Region XI Davao City, Philippines. My siblings are Cheska Danielle and Chelsea Nicole. My name, “Christabel” as for being derived from my mother’s book is defined as “Jesus’ gift”. In connection, the name “Erica” was named after my father, “Eric Dave” to have a piece of him with me. I am 18 years and 9 months today, I was born on 29th of April in the year 2000 in Davao a city in the southern part of the Philippines.

Being a normal person living in the world, I also have a set of likes and dislikes. I like drinking milk tea but I don’t like drinking it with pearls. I like to hang out with friends but not until dawn. My hobbies include singing, procrastinating and laughing until it sucks out the life in me. I play the guitar, violin and piano — but not as talented as Beethoven or Mozart, just the average. Ever since, I’ve dreamed of playing the cello but due to some circumstances my dream remains in the clouds. Not only that, but I used to be part of the Volleyball varsity team at my previous school; Davao Christian High School. I also love to debate about politics and such. I am not the kind of person who gives up after a long and tiring day. On top of that, I am easy to get along with. I am socially awkward at first but I could be your best friend as we get to know each other. As you continue to read this, you may get the impression of me being the serious and obsessive type. Well, you’re not wrong but most of the time I just laugh my way through life. I aim high and never settle for less. Some people may think that’s wrong but its how I get inspired and motivated. The road may get rough, but my personality never lets me down. I am the forever -kind-of-optimistic-friend-type-of-person. So if some may want to break or ruin me, try again cause you never will.

I’ve competed in Chinese and English Singing competitions and brought honour to both my school and family. Over and above that, I have also sung for my city during the Annual Chinese New Year Celebration. Being the president of the Teatrong Kristiyano Club during the School Year 2016-2017, we’ve had a collaboration with the Dance Troupe Club of Davao Christian High. This experience had given me much confidence and pride towards myself and of course gratitude for my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

Growing up as the eldest, my parents and most people look up to me. I’ve been a role-model to a lot being highly exposed to various activities and events. As I am expected to achieve and excel in my academics.

I am active in church ministry and I get involved as much as I can. I am part of the Davao City Foursquare Gospel Church’s Music Team. I lead the congregation in worship on our Sunday regular mass services, youth services and even our Wednesday Prayer Meetings. Moreover, I am also a Sunday school Teacher at our church teaching the ages 4-6. With my busy schedule, I hardly get enough time for myself or even with my friends. But that doesn’t limit me to have tremendous fun. 

For me, teaching children is one of my best ministries. I am given the opportunity of leading and sharing the Word of God in shaping up the next generations with one saved life at a time. I believe that I uphold the characteristics of a follower and a preacher. Young as I am, I do my duties well and never let other people affect me. With everything I’ve done, I hope and pray to do more. I may sound crazy, but I love being busy. Because when I’m not, I get lazy easily and never get anything done. As they say in the infamous quote, “It doesn’t mean you’re doing a lot, you’re getting a lot done.” Well for me, when I have a long list of activities and assignments it doesn’t really bother me. I battle with my laziness and try to get the job done within the day or before the deadliest deadline. 

This journal is not only about what happened to me during my Senior High School life, but of how grateful I am to have endured it all. I offer these events to my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

The school year’s almost ending and here I am writing to myself for others to read. The following events are entirely true and with accordance to reality. The others may be opinionated by how I felt during these events so let’s get going with that.

Before entering my school today, the University of the Immaculate Conception. I was  already enrolled at my previous school, Davao Christian High School. How’d I end up at UIC? I decided to switch schools during the 2nd week of June 2017. I wanted to enrol at Ateneo de Davao yet, unfortunately the moment I had refunded my tuition at Davao Christian and attempted to enrol at Ateneo, there were no slots left for another new student. In addition to this, I was too late for enrolment since the first day started on June 5. It was a complete blooper choice for me and for my family. We contacted almost every school and luckily, UIC was still open for enrolment. I took the entrance exam immediately and started school the following day. 

It was awkward for me during that entire year being a new student and being exposed to a new environment. In comparison with my previous school, Davao Christian High was conservative in a way that we wouldn’t hug our friends who were the opposite sex. For us, touch was too intimate and uncomfortable. So, you could observe how much I had adjusted moving into this school. Everyone was too verbal and raised their hands for recitation. At my old school we’d just sit down unless called. We got used to the silence since everyone was so driven to receive that Gold Honours Award. I had a few friends, cause most people in my class either hated me or didn’t like my attitude. But it was okay, I adapt easily. 

During my first year in my new school, I was nobody. Too lowkey and I chose my friends wisely. Happily, I got to meet my best friend; Trisha that year. And who would’ve thought that we were neighbours since forever? Trisha and I were more than friends, we were like twins who couldn’t live without each other. We’d always hang out, eat together everywhere and even when we’re home we’d still spend time until morning comes. Trisha was the greatest thing that happened to me that school year. 

Now that I’ve elaborated Trisha, let me now tell you of the challenges and plot twists I’ve had during my Grade 11 life. During the month of August 2017, ABS-CBN had come to UIC for another musical production. Isn’t that a blessing? Having to be extremely nervous and insecure, I thought of joining the production. The thing here was, I had to skip school for at least 3 months. But because it was also a school production, we were all excused from our academics. On the day of auditions, I was with Trisha, Winnonah, Patrick, Nathalie and my other classmates. With a brave heart and all my confidence, I auditioned to this musical singing Phantom of the Opera’s “Wishing you were somehow here again” and amazingly, I wowed the judges and everyone in that room. Hours later, Miss Cadiz the teacher in-charge was to announce who got in the auditions. With fingers crossed and loud prayers, I got in! I was given the role of the Ghost of Christmas Past and the under-study of Isabel. During those 3 months of rehearsal were one of the best experiences ever. Being exposed and to have met more than 60 talented young people of my new school. Circumstances also came while I was joining this production. My grades were falling and I didn’t have time to study anymore. During the month of the performance and week before our final rehearsals, I was appointed to join the Mr. & Ms. Futuristic. I tried to represent our class just for show and not to commit on really being a part of it. I aced the screening, I walked even though I did not. Know how to walk like a model. The judges looked disappointed and laughed maybe a bit because I looked like a walking walrus on that platform. Luckily and unexpectedly, during the question & answer (Q&A), I answered with full eloquence and pride. Afterwards, I got shocked with myself for what I had done was beyond me. Waiting for the results, I thought of what would happen if I were to join the pageant. I was given the choice of giving up the play or to give up the pageant. With no hesitation, I chose the musical. Why would I give up on something I worked so hard for 3 months in exchange for a day’s exposure? I neglected the teachers who kept on chasing me the entire week and just focused on what I had that moment. During the week performance, I had understood what it was like to perform professionally. And on the last night, I sung my swan song beautifully as if it were the last song I’d sung. 

Moving on the events of that year, it ended happily with love and enjoyment because of my friends. Summer came and I had celebrated my debut with all my loved ones. After my debut, I got exposed again to various events and extra-curricular activities. I got involved with an international singing group called the Evangel Songsters Davao. We’ve begun practising for an international chorale competition on January 2018. As the school year 2018-2019 begun, I challenged myself and promised that this would be my glory days. I’d graduate this school year and I have to leave a mark when I leave. I was given the opportunity to host the first week of school, being the master of ceremony for the first symposium of the school year. 

Moreover, not only have I begun hosting events, but I was also assigned to become the official photographer of most events. I joined Battle of the Bands (B.O.B) during our Acquaintance Party. Competed in Spoken Word Poetry and Tawag ng Tanghalan during the Buwan ng Wika Celebration and was awarded 1st Runner-Up on both divisions. Almost everyday was a dream and a nightmare because of how busy I was. I also was voted to become the Secretary of the Peer Facilitators’ Club and the Asst. Secretary/Treasurer of my class.

The week of Intramurals were fast approaching and we were all enticed to join what event we could be a part of. We had our cluster meeting and they first announced who were to join Mr. & Ms. Intramurals. I was small, tiny and I couldn’t define my characteristics enough to become half a model. My height wouldn’t even come near to qualifying. But yes, my name was called and the screening was to be the after. We took our exams the week later and I was expected to join the screening. Each cluster had 2 paired representatives from the Grade 11 & 12. I was partnered with Lee Roy Layson. The moment I got chosen, I was sure of the things I couldn’t do; walking with confidence. I couldn’t walk my way towards anywhere without falling or hitting a desk somewhere. But I knew I was good at one thing, public speaking. My years of debate were quite useful to this competition. Walking was the only problem. I trained almost everyday in 7-inch killer heels and practised every time I had the chance to. The days of Intramurals came and never have I ever been more insecure. They were all tall and walking with confidence. There I was at the corner, sulking like a potato. In continuation, the 2nd day of Intramurals came, the day of the pageant. I gathered myself and remembered everything I learned. I kept them all into mind. The moment I walked on that runway, I threw away all the negativity there was in my mind. I just had fun and let the moment take me. Lastly, the Q&A portion came and only 4 pairs were to be chosen. Having the number of 8 pairs in all representing 4 clusters. I didn’t aim on winning, I just wanted to prove myself that I could do things other people never thought of me doing. I did the impossible. And by faith, I won Most Eloquent Award and 2nd Runner-Up Miss Intramurals 2018. 

The following weeks came, my class was given the performance task of presenting a short play entitled, “New Yorker in Tondo.” I was given the lead role act, “Kikay” or “Francheska”. And on the day of the performance, I was also to leave Davao for South Korea. As you can see, my life is a series of impossible events that I had successfully overcame. We, the Evangel Songsters Davao Choir, competed and represented the Philippines in the 14th Busan Chorale Festival and Competition 2018. We didn’t win, though we made the most out of the experience. As we came home from Korea, I procrastinated and attended school immediately since exams were to follow the day after I came home. I surpassed these challenges and prayed God for strength every single day. During the months of November to December, I was chosen to be part of the Davao City Foursquare Church’s Christmas Cantata 2018. I was given the Obbligato part of the choir, Mother Mary role and was a part of a trio  group singing Sandi Patty’s “The Light of a Million Mornings”. Along with school, I still was part of almost every event and hosted most of them. I thank God for everything He had given me.

I struggled on how I should manage my time with the choir, my academics and also my church ministry. It wasn’t easy but all was worth it. Now this year 2019, I’ll be graduating and entering college. Who knows what would happen next? Yesterday, I was a part of the Sham Government and the Mini Me of my adviser/subject teacher. In addition, I was also the master of ceremony during the event. My life is not easy, its an everyday challenge. How have I not given up? I trust in the Lord and pray to Him for strength. Everything I do is not for others but for Him and for His greater glory. 

That’s a wrap! That was just my short summary of the events that had happened to me during my Senior High School life. Never settle for less and let your dreams take flight 🙂 

Xoxo,

Christabel.

When you loved me, 
All I ever did was hurt you.
When you held my hand, 
All I ever did was let go.

I had so many regrets 
But I can’t tell you
Coz I hurt you in ways, 
That made me realize
I don’t deserve you.

You turned my life 
Into this colorful bubble, 
But holding my hand 
Was slowly killing you in supple.

I don’t want you to 
Find someone like me, 
Coz I hurt you more than 
I loved you and it pains me.

Even though all I ever wanted 
Was the best for you? 
It was selfish for me
To have loved you.
Knowing I can never have you,
For you are light and I am darkness 
It’s something that has never collided.

Our love is something 
The deity would’ve never forgotten.
And I also hope that 
Someday I will be forgiven,
I have scarred you and 
This is the sin I have committed.
You have been the greatest risk 
That I have taken.

I loved you for loving me, 
But I got to set you free.
Though this will hurt me 
But I’ll leave it all to the deity.

– Trisha Lopez.

I was once sad and lonely,
Having nobody to comfort me
Nobody could see the pain I was feeling,
For I pretended to be happy

I used to party all night,
And get drunk when I go home
How could I be so lonely?
Surrounded by so many

It’s been this way for months,
Things aren’t as they seem
I always seem so happy
Without a care to the world

I wish they could see
How damaged I am inside
But till then, I’ll keep on smiling
And have my pain remain untold.

– Kaye Escasinas.

As the wind blew beyond the sea
A story of a lover lay still.
Two souls were predestined to see

Love, do you still remember?
With a wink I met you
And I fell in this slumber

Embodied with the ties of love
A sparkle within whenever you I see.
I tend to watch you from above

The thoughts of you inside my head
Take me places far from where I stand
From which you left me instead.

I still wonder how you made this choice
I assumed you were the one
Have you not heard my voice?

Up to this day, I’m still dismayed
By the mysteries of forever
Love, I’m so afraid.

Of a love that would turn me into a slave
Like what you did to me.
But you buried yours in the grave.

I want to hate, I want to forget
When will you get out of my head?
For you, was our love just a bet?

I yearned for your drug
That kept me going through the journey
But you shrugged and left me like a thug.

If i had to do one thing before i die
Its to make you suffer
Like how you did to me because of your lies

Love, hear my cry.
If you stayed
You’d never hear me sigh

Love, I’m giving up
Yet I try to hold on
You left me with an empty cup

I’d fill this on my own
Without you this time
Not only my heart broke, but also the bone.

– Christabel Nicolas.